Fathers and daughters.

A story about daughterhood.

Summary:

• Leaning into vulnerability is a sign of courage.

• The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

• You are strong and resilient.

• Be gentle with yourself.

• Imagine being loved the way you love yourself.

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Laying in bed, I slowly open my eyes and adjust to the sunlight in the bedroom. I notice a subtle ache in the middle of my chest. My body feels drained and weak.

It’s back… my cPTSD brain. Is this how my life is going to be, forever?

I had just come back from a dream. A dream where I was back at the monastery, in the Buddha hall, praying and bowing along with my fellow friends and students.

The boys are segregated from the girls. We are too young to understand what it means to be separated from our parents, the opposite gender, and to be surrounded by strict routines and constant prayer.

Some of us, like me, have lost our relationship with our parents. Some of us children, like me, will never again have a healthy relationship with our mothers and fathers. Some parents, like mine, will not have the resilience to overcome separation and the courage to repair the damage.

Pulling myself away from the nightmare, I come back to my senses. My cPTSD brain has been acting up since earlier this week. The dull, aching, cooling, sensation in my brain is a reminder that it is back. I feel off. Every single time this happens to me, I am forced to remind myself to be gentle with myself. This is my normal. This is how it is.

Still laying down, I roll over to the other side of my bed and wipe the tears away from my eyes.

I silently wonder, will I be like this forever?

No. You’ve been through this a million times. You’ve learned resilience. You’ve learned courage. This is how you’ve healed yourself every single time.

I sit up and pull the blanket from my chest.

Yes. I’ve saved myself a million times.
I will keep doing it again and again.
Third time is a charm…
… but who’s keeping count?

---

The following story reflects the relationship I have with my father. While I understand that relationships are the basis of a child’s healthy foundation into adulthood, I must remind everyone that each individual has unique a life path. If you resonate with this story, I empathize with you. I write to heal and nourish my soul. It is my hope that this story inspires you to take action and be the most authentic and best version of yourself.

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“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn't what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You...Be Free...Share.”― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

He is screaming at me.

“Why can’t you talk less? You talk way too much and it’s hurting my head,” yells Mr. Lee. “You talk and talk and talk and talk. No wonder Kathy doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. You just won’t stop talking. You’re giving me a headache!”

He huffs deeply into the phone from halfway around the world. Kathy is my cousin. He is my father. He is perturbed. I sob silently into the phone as if to protect him from my nuisance. This is only our 7th conversation since my attempt to repair our broken relationship.

Kathy, my sisterly cousin, abruptly stopped talking to me years ago. We had spent years bonding, creating a sense of family closeness I never had. We were there for one another when we both experienced emotionally trying times.

“Good morning, sunshine!” I’d text her. But one day, instead of her cheery response, she decided that she was just done. With me.

The comment he made about Kathy was a low blow. My father isn’t what I would call an abusive man. He is confused, I tell myself. He is wounded by his own trauma.

Our relationship slowly faded away after my brother and I were sent to live at the monastery. Not only was our family separated by distance, but we have been unable to carry any emotional connection for one another.

He is the person who gave birth to me.
But, he is not the person who raised me to be the woman I am today.

That was all me.

---

I am 5 years old, sitting on the floor of our home in Toronto, Canada. I am playing with my brother, having a grand old time piling building blocks on top of one another. We jibber-jabber at each other, laughing without a care in the world.

Off to the side, my dad stands at the doorway watching us play. He smiles slightly, keeping watch on our playtime.

“Can I put this here? Don’t touch it, okay?” he says.

I ask, “What is it?”

“It’s a tape recorder. I want to remember what you sound like. It’s recording so don’t touch it,” said my father.

My brother and I continue to play. Building blocks are man’s greatest invention. You can topple it over and rebuild it again and again.

He watches us silently, chuckling to himself. He is proud to have two children to call his own. He is happy.

My brother and I leave the tape recorder alone. But, we are curious.

"Play it again!” I ask.

My brother and I listen to the tape recorder. We hear ourselves chuckling with one another. How curious it is…

---

I am now 7 years old in school with my classmates. My feet can barely touch the ground; I love swinging them around. Today, we are learning how to write.

Mid-sentence, the teacher pauses and looks to the back of the room. She stops talking and smiles. What is going on? Why have we stopped? Everyone turns their gaze to the back of the classroom. I am the last one to turn my head.

Weird, I say to myself. Why is he here?

My dad walks to the front of the class with a big box. One by one, he pulls out happy meals for every one of my classmates.

What is going on?

Oh my god, it is my birthday. How fun!

He loved me.

At least he did back then.

---

I am pulled back into the present moment. I am here, today. Standing in my home with tears welling up in the corners of my eyes, I begin to feel a lump form in my throat. I sniffle and sob silently as if to prevent myself from disturbing anyone even though I am alone.

I replay the conversation in my head over and over again.

“You talk too much. Why can’t you talk less? You are interrupting my peace! Why can’t you learn to be quiet and just meditate?”

He has weaponized meditation, throwing it in my face to silence me.

Maybe I do talk too much. Do I?

I slowly remove my hands from my wet face and blink. My eyeballs feel tired and pained. I slowly glance around my home to snap myself back into reality. I focus on things that are here: the desk, the sofa, the rug, the curtains, a mug, my hands, my hair, my body. I tell myself that I am here in my own home. I look down at my feet and say to myself: I am here in my own body.

I am safe.
I am here.
I am protected.
I am okay.

I give myself a giant squeeze and remind myself that my father once loved me when I was a child. He loved it when I would talk to him. He loved answering my questions.

But, not anymore.

I think of all the work I’ve done on myself. Talk therapy, counseling, EMDR, meditation, medication, shadow work, self-awareness, self-love, compassion, and living with authenticity. I have done decades of inner work to heal my cPTSD brain.

It is not my fault.
I did not do this to myself.
I am whole.
I am loved.
I am great.

I am very self-conscious about how much I talk. It’s not fair that people judge me for who I am.

I stomp my feet on the ground to remind myself I am in the driver’s seat. This is my life. I am not a victim. I am in control. I love sharing. I still enjoy talking. I am, however, more mindful of how much I speak.

That feeling of being too much never goes away. I am afraid that if I open my mouth and talk, that someone is going to throw it in my face. It won’t be the first time…

---

We are complete strangers, my parents and I. My only wish is that it wasn’t so.

“I am willing to work on developing a relationship with you, but only if you meet me halfway,” I say to Mr. Lee. “There is so much that you don’t know about me. You don’t even know where I live.”

He is silent with his words. “Sonya Lee,” he sighs, “you should know how my heart feels. I know how your heart feels. That is all that matters. I don’t need to know where you live or what you’ve done.”

My shoulders tense up. My lungs fill up with angst. My heart races and aches for the father who once adored me.

“Do you really? Do you know how my heart feels from not having a father in my life? Can you tell me something about my life, like where I work, what I’ve accomplished, or where I’ve traveled? Do you even know who I am?”

The words slip out of my mouth.

He replies with words that I do not understand. “Those things are not important. What’s important is that I know your heart.”

He stands by his truth even though he has no idea who I am and what I’ve done to raise myself. He has no clue what it was like being me; growing up without both parents, locked away in a monastery, forced to deal with the trauma without any family support.

I fully accept that I can not change who he is.

I can, however, control what I do with my life, how I spend my time, how I survive and thrive.

What daughter would not want to have a strong, healthy, loving relationship with her father? What daughter would not want to see the glow in his eyes that is full of pride and joy?

I can not, however, spend the rest of my life pining over a man who can not see me for who I am. I must live on my own terms.

Even though my father does not appreciate how much I talk, I know without a doubt that this is my strength. It is my truth. It is my calling. Despite everything I have gone through…

I am still the one who likes to talk.

I hope that my truth will never change.

If you resonate with this story, I hope that you will take stock of how far you’ve come. Know that you are worthy of love. Trust that each experience offers a lesson of love and growth. The greatest love one can have in the world is the love you have for yourself.

Be unapologetically authentic. Don’t be afraid to lean into the darkness. The other side of darkness is light. And when in doubt, reach out to a friend or someone you trust for support.

Xo, Sonya

PS: My apologies if the writing is a little bit off this week. I am nursing my cPTSD brain and am working on healing. Thank you for understanding.

---

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” - Mandy Hale.

Oh, snap. The happiness game just got real.

A story about being all the things.

Summary:

• Happiness is a state of inner being.

• Happiness is not a show of material possession.

• Nobody can rob you of your values, your purpose, or your integrity.

• Learn the 7 mantras to change your life.

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The world we live in today is hyper-competitive. It’s all too easy to fall into bad habits of judging yourself or others too harshly. Before you know it, you permanently set your inner monologue to negativity. You slowly begin to push happiness away. You feel dissatisfied and grumpy with everyone and everything. And that’s no way to live your best life…

I reached out to a handful of friends and asked a simple question: What does happiness feel like to you?

Here are the responses I received:

“Happiness is when I wake up and know that I make things that matter to people in life. It isn’t about acquiring shit, but what we project out to the world.” - Steve

“Peace.” - Serene

“When I feel truly happy, the outside world doesn’t matter. It’s euphoric, almost like being on ecstasy.” - Rosie

“The first thing that comes to mind is knowing who you are and whose you are.” - Chris

“Money in the bank, a great hair day, a trip to Paris, good health and people to laugh with.” - CK

“A warm fuzzy ball of light bursting inside my body filled with joy.” - Tamara

What does happiness feel like to you?

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Happiness, to me, feels like not having a single care or worry in the world. Not worrying about the next minute, day, or week. It feels like the moment right now is the only moment that matters in the world. I am consumed with joy, peace, and fulfillment.

It is being present.
It is living in the NOW.

I am happy when I am teaching.
I am happy when I am hugging my cat, Minxie.
I am happy when I am with my boyfriend.
I am happy when I am engulfed with work I am passionate about.
I am happy when I am fulfilling my life’s purpose.
I am happy when I am in complete alignment with my authenticity, moral values and integrity.

True happiness comes from within.

---

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”- Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

As a child who grew up in a monastery, it was instilled into me that material gain can only provide a finite amount of happiness. It is fleeting, they said. Don’t focus on the material; focus on what is within.

It was explained that material objects (ie: the latest fashions, accessories, gadgets, or toys) can only keep your attention for so long. Once those objects become outdated, you can only satisfy your needs by buying or consuming more and more and more. Thus, becoming an ongoing vicious cycle.

Happiness is a state of inner-being, not a show of material possession. Inner wealth is absolute wealth, they said.

Nobody can rob you of your values, your purpose, or your integrity.

That is the truth. Wouldn’t you agree?

Some of my happiest (and most painful) experiences are from my time living at the monastery. Life on 700 acres of nature was blissful. I was 13 years old, naive to the world around me.

Children, ranging ages 6 to 18, were housed under one roof, learning the ways of Buddhism. We were not training to become nuns, but rather encouraged to adopt a simplistic way of living that is in-tune with mother nature, the dharma, our senses, prayer, and meditation. Our school studies consisted of a modified curriculum, with an emphasis on inner peace and mindfulness.

Our lives were all too simplistic - very much like Little House on the Prairie. We had little to no distractions. No music, radio, TV, magazines, newspapers. Anything that we read or listened to had to be approved by the school principal, who deemed whether the content was too romantic, adventurous or controversial in nature.

Our routine was predictable in nature:

• Lights on.

• Breakfast.

• School.

• Prayer.

• Lunch.

• School.

• Break.

• Evening Prayer.

• Study.

• Lights out.

Depending on the season, one of us would have to stoke a fire in the wood-burning stove. Whoever woke up first would tend to it. We’d always fall asleep to warmth in the air, with complete surrender to being in the moment.

We’d spend time playing outside, riding bicycles, collecting leaves, reading books by Beverly Cleary, laughing at our funny hair-do’s or stupid jokes we’d come up with. The most adventurous thing I’d done at that age was to use hairspray and tinted chapstick. I was also a vegetarian, too.

This way of living has shaped the way I see the world. I relate to a more simplistic way of living; understanding that the core values within us matter more than anything outside of us. Personally, on the other hand, I sometimes feel completely lost in this hyper-competitive world we live in.

My background is different from yours, I’m sure you can understand.

---

There are many ways you can increase your happiness and several tricks that don’t require much preparation or effort. Our words have power, and by repeating mantras to yourself throughout your day, you will find that feeling happy begins to come naturally to you. Today, I leave you with seven mantras that, when repeated often, can change your life.

1. I Am Amazing

These three words can help prevent you from falling into a slump of self-hatred. Too many individuals do not have respect for themselves and forget that they are amazing, beautiful and one of a kind. Repeat this mantra often so the words will come to you when you need them the most.

2. I Am Grateful

Gratefulness is a sure way to gain happiness. When you are grateful, you are making an effort to remind yourself of the good things in your life. In turn, this positive attitude attracts even more good things.

3. I Love Myself at All Times

One of life is most important lessons is to love ourselves. If you feel as though you haven’t quite gotten to a point of full self-love and respect, then repeat these words until you do. Say them when you are pleased with yourself, as well as when you are angry and disappointed in yourself.

4. I Am a Magnet to Good Things

Believing that good things and positive situations are headed your way, will actually help them do so. Thinking of yourself as a magnet to everything that is amazing will draw those things to you. Your self-confidence and positive spirit attract what they put out, and you will see your life becoming enriched as you repeat this mantra often.

5. I Attract Healthy People into My Life

Even in the best circumstances, the wrong people will keep us from going far. Create a circle of friends who are hopeful and positive just as you are. Avoid drama, and repeat this mantra to yourself when you are tempted to get sucked into someone’s negative energy.

6. I Can Do Anything I Set My Mind To

Believing in yourself and having confidence in what you can achieve will take you far. When you know that you can do anything you set your mind to, you will find unlimited happiness in that knowledge. Speak these words when you are struggling to change your situation, and know that you have the power it takes to do so.

7. I Have a Purpose

No matter how much money a person makes or how much they accomplish, life will feel pointless and void without a sense of purpose. There are plenty of books written on the subject that can help you analyze your life and find out what your specific purpose is.

Think about the things you love and are drawn to, and what gives you your greatest feeling of satisfaction. You have something special to offer the world, and this mantra reminds you of that fact.

Our words hold much power, and mantras are a great way to set us on the path to happiness. When you use your words to bring positive things into your life, you will find happiness.

I challenge you to repeat these mantras and find out what a difference they will make for you. Let me know how it goes.

With so much love and happiness…
Xo, Sonya

PS: How is my writing? Am I doing okay? What would you like to read about? Hit reply and let me know!

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“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”- Mahatma Gandhi

Are You There? It’s Me, Grief.

A story and letter about being human.

Summary:

• Emotions serve as a guidance system to help us navigate our inner compass: the heart.

• It’s okay to not be okay.

• Sometimes you don’t need a reason to feel what you feel.

• Accepting grief is an adjustment of the value of your personal power.

• I am human. Are you human too?

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On a bright sunny day last week, a lump appeared in my throat. The kind of lump you get when you are about to cry. I wasn’t feeling particularly sad and it felt oddly out of place. It had crossed my mind that perhaps I was getting sick, but this lump felt different. It is the kind of lump you get when you are sad.

Yes, that uncomfortable lump.

Looking up at the ceiling, I ask myself, ‘Did anything happen to me?’

I jog my memory about what might have happened in the past few weeks. Nothing significant had happened. No, nothing really.

Sitting with a cup of coffee in my hands, I continue to search my memory about anything that might have triggered this lump in my throat.

Absolutely nothing.

And so, I left the lump alone.

Except the lump didn’t want to go away.

It got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. It got so huge that I could feel involuntary tears welling up behind my eyes.

Oh, dear lump.

What is wrong? What are you trying to tell me?

---

The lump eventually took over my weekend. With deep intention, I sat with the sensation thinking that I could love it away. I meditated with it. I had coffee with it. I took a nap with it. I took a walk with it. I loved it with all I could. I even tried to cry, but nothing wanted to come out.

A curious-natured being, I like to explore the depths of my own emotions. This is how I lean into being human. I have a desire to understand every aspect of my being-ness so that I can empathize with what my body is trying to tell me.

All of us are dynamic and multi-faceted human beings that are equipped with emotions, sensations, intelligence, desires, dreams, and more. At the core of being human, we have emotions that serve as a guidance system to help us navigate our inner compass: the heart.

They say that every sensation and feeling within our body is a manifestation of an emotion. Our hearts are capable of feeling a myriad of things, 27 different kinds of emotions to be specific.

Most human minds are only capable of recognizing a handful of emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. Disgust. Anger. Surprise.

Did you know that?

As the weekend progressed, the lump got bigger. And like the rumbling of a volcano, I knew that that something had to give way.

I pulled out my phone and typed, “Hi fam, I’ve been struggling with some stuff lately and could use some support. Anyone free to talk today?”

Denton replied right away, “I have a meeting until 5:45 pm central [time], but I can chat on my drive home for 30 minutes.”

Despite feeling self-conscious, I texted back, “That would be great."

"Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." - Jamie Anderson

---

The Process of Grief.

Over the phone, I cried and cried and cried. I had no idea what I was crying about nor what had triggered this bout of sadness. The lump moved down into my chest, along with the stream of tears.

I cried until my tears ran dry. I cried because something needed to be released from my body, even if it wouldn’t tell me its name.

In the following conversations, I learned that grief follows and obeys its own trajectory.

Grief is not limited to a timeframe after feelings of pain or loss. Grief likes to say hello and goodbye when it wants to. Grief is unavoidable and impossible to suppress or deny. Grief is like a thunderstorm in the darkness, shaking us to our core and then leaving us when the clouds are ready to pass.

Though I was not able to give the lump in my throat a name, I knew that I needed to honor the grief and give thanks for allowing me to be present with myself.

Sitting in the dark, I casually glance at my phone to see my dear friend Bridget calling. “How are you doing, honey?” she asks.

“I don’t really know. I can’t figure out what is wrong. So I am just sitting with it”, I say. And with that, an eruption of tears burst out of my heart, leaving my soul completely vulnerable and naked.

Bridget sits silently on the other end of the phone, listening to me sob deeply. We share a few minutes of silence until I felt ready to talk again. Bridget gives me the space to lean into the discomfort, giving me permission to shed more tears and express my feelings openly. I am grateful for her ability to recognize what it was I needed.

She simply let me… be me.

Let this be said: Grief is not a weakness. Accepting grief is an adjustment of the value of your personal power. The more you can empathize and be with your own emotions, the more powerful you become for yourself and with those around you. It elevates you to a place where you learn to recognize and empathize with other people, creating a fabric of authenticity that becomes a way of being. You are no longer triggered by situations that may have previously offended you. You learn to respond with understanding instead of reacting with misunderstandings.

Alternatively, if grief is not properly addressed, it can create conflict in our lives and cause us to push people away by putting boundaries around our hearts. Grief, if not approached with gentle compassion and empathy, can harden our hearts and teach us that pain is a weakness.

The secret to being whole is to piece together the parts of you that were previously separate. Personal success happens when you lean into every aspect of yourself; the good, bad, and even the ugly.

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The anecdote to grief is not avoidance or denial. The anecdote to grief is through ultimate acceptance and loving gratitude. - Sonya Lee

Dear Mr Grief,

I noticed that you’ve been with me for the past week. Though you hadn’t given me much notice of your arrival, I am grateful for your presence and reminder that I am only human.

I have gone through countless memories, situations and experiences in trying to understand where you might have stemmed from.

I have thought about my childhood, being abandoned by my parents at the monastery. I thought back to that day when my mother said goodbye, where I cried for two weeks straight. I lost my voice, too. I think back to all the times that I might have failed in life. I think back to my divorce. My heartbreaks. The day my dog, Monster, died and when I had my miscarriage on that very same day. I think back to all the regrets I’ve had in life, the needless arguments that stemmed from pain and anger. I think back to feeling so lost. I have searched countless memories; but I come up empty with why you have decided to come and visit me this time around. Why are you here?

Dear Grief, I am sad. You have brought a lump to my throat. I understand that I may never understand why you’ve decided to come. I do want to say this to you: I hope that you understand that without you in my life, I would not have had the opportunity to understand and fully cherish happiness, authenticity, personal power, and most importantly of all, love.

You have taught me that love is the answer to everything. No, that doesn’t make me a pushover. I mean the kind of love that comes from a place of personal power: compassion and empathy. I wholeheartedly understand that true love is a manifestation of fully understanding what it means to be human - loving every aspect of our being-ness and embracing every little experience, even if they don’t make sense.

There are days where I am so full of zest that I want to save the world. I am doing so with my writing. I will continue to help others understand the power of empathy. But, there are also days where I want to stay in bed and cry my eyes out.

You, dear Grief, have played a significant role in my life that has taught me the lesson of duality. Without grief, there would not be joy.

I am grateful for your existence. I am grateful that you have come to pay me a visit. I am grateful for your lessons in life. I am grateful to have you as a teacher to remind me of who I am. I am a human being capable of vulnerabilities, strengths, and compassion.

I don’t know how long you plan on staying, but as long as you are here, I invite you to please show me what I don’t know. I hope that you will teach me how to be a better person or maybe to accept the fact that imperfections are beautiful too.

Either way, I thank you for finding your way to me. I thank you for making my life so beautiful.

With loving gratitude, Sonya

As emotional beings, I believe it is counter-intuitive to force emotions away. When we deny ourselves of our own emotions, we essentially shut down our right to be human.

I am human. Are you human too?

Xoxo

PS: If you need a friend to talk to or be there with you, please know that I would be honored to support you in your journey. No reasons or explanations are needed…

PPS: I understand that the things that I write may be uncomfortable and raw at its’ core. I believe in authenticity and embracing every aspect of being human, even if it is vulnerable. Feel free to delete this email if this does not resonate with you. With humble respect, Sonya.

Strength Is An Inside Job.

A story about confidence and remembering the power that lies within you.

Summary:

• Good leaders will always empower you to do what’s best for yourself.

• Compassion does not make you a pushover.

• Compassion requires deep courage.

• Reclaim your inner power by changing the dialog you have within yourself.

• Your power belongs to you and only you.

• Gentle reminder to all: Please put yourself back to the top of your own priority list.

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“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” - Roy T. Bennett

“Sonya, what do you mean when you say ‘Let me know what you decide?’”, says Ashley. She blinks at me, waiting for an answer. I can sense that she is outwardly calm, but frazzled on the inside. I am caught off guard by the question.

We are talking about some issues she has been experiencing. Darkness looms over her like a thick marine layer; waiting to burn off. She has been having troubles at work. Her confidence has eroded, stripped down to its bare minimum. She can’t seem to think straight, causing the self-doubt to spiral out of control. She doesn’t know how to make a decision anymore.

There was a conflict. People around her have been telling her what to do; how to resolve a situation and how to do her job. People have criticized her. Nobody has taken the time to ask her what she wants to do; not even herself.

Ashley is a junior account executive. It is her job to oversee and manage projects, collaborate and communicate between clients and the company.

I have been working with Ashley to help her overcome some of the issues she has been experiencing. Conflict has turned into self-doubt, causing issues to ripple into other areas of her life. Ashley does not know what to do anymore. With so many (unsolicited) opinions, she is lost.

“Ashley, what I mean is that I hope that I have been able to give you the bigger picture of how things work. Some contextual understanding. Every scenario has a different nuance. You will have to tailor your actions and adjust your energy as best you can. Nobody can tell you what to do, not even I.

It’s unfortunate that people have been criticizing you and telling you how to do your job properly. I want you to remember that the company hired you because they saw a bright light within you. Remember that. You are bright!

Sometimes, we can sway off course and become easily distracted by things around us. Conflict can corrode our confidence. And when you lose your confidence, sometimes you don’t even know what is right or wrong anymore.

I can paint a picture for you and help you understand potential outcomes. I can explain to you how things might work, but nobody should tell you how to do your job. Nobody should be giving you step-by-step directions unless they can walk a mile in your shoes.

Even the greatest leader would never tell you what to do, they would encourage and empower you to step into your greatest potential.

These people who have been claiming to help through criticism, are they people you would look up to otherwise?” I ask.

“No, they’re… just… people,” she says.

I say, “Okay. Our work begins now. I am inviting you to take back your power. I am inviting you to make your own decision. That decision and power has always been yours. Nobody can take that away from you.

These so called ‘people’ who claimed to help you, also spoke down to you, criticized you, robbed you of your self-esteem. I am here to support and guide you. Ultimately, anything you decide to do is yours and yours only. Reclaiming this power is also your decision.

That is why I said to you, “Let me know what you decide to do”. I am hoping that you can use your own judgement and discernment to navigate this situation, however you find suitable. I am encouraging you to make your own decisions.

I can not sway you one way or another. I want to be clear that the power is yours and yours only. I want you to decide what is best for you. The decision is yours.”

I am saddened that Ashley feels so lost. I want to help her see that the light within herself has merely dimmed. It will come back.

Words carry intention.
Words carry weight.
Words carry power.
Words can affects others to the point that it can corrode self-confidence like it has with Ashley. I feel bad.

Words can also inspire and offer hope.

---

Ashley and I continue talking for a little bit. She asks me: Why do people do the things they do? Why are some people hurtful and vengeful? Why can’t everyone play nice? I explain that there are people who are unhappy with themselves; bored with life. The resistance to look within themselves causes them to point the finger outward, not realizing that they are creating their own reality and affecting others.

It is easier to wreak havoc on the lives of other people because there is no responsibility or consequence. The lack the self-awareness means that they do not understand that actions have consequences. They do not understand the power that holds them. Perhaps that power is driven by fear…

It’s not to say that these kinds of people are wrong or bad. There is a duality in life - polar opposites. Each opposite teaches us a lesson. Without polarity, we would never see the duality; the good and the bad.

The people who have hurt us are on their own rightful journey. They are doing the best with the resources that they have. Though their actions can seem hurtful, we must also find compassion toward them. What they can not see in their own life is a byproduct of their own upbringing, knowledge, environment and doing. We must offer empathy and compassion. Not just to them, but also to ourselves.

Having compassion does not mean that we offer them undeserving love and kindness, but instead a gentle awareness and understanding that their actions are a result of what they have learned and experienced in life. No physical action is required on your part. Just a gentle sense of empathy toward them and for ourselves.

We must also appreciate these types of people for playing a role in our life and teaching us what we need to heal from. If we are truly healed and balanced, these experiences would not bother us at all. We would remain unphased and grateful.

When you are in your power, nobody can rob you of anything that is inherently yours.

I can see Ashley thinking.

I deliberately let the silence sink in so that she is able to hear her own thoughts.

We are quiet for a few moments.

“Okay,” says Ashley. “I know what to do”

In that moment, I know without a doubt that Ashley is going to come out on top. I can see her energy begin to align. She is learning to trust herself again. The insecurity begins to fade away and her confidence runs clear. I can see that she will meet the strongest version of herself very soon.

Empathy and kindness is all she needs.
Empathy and kindness is a superpower.

The power is hers, and hers alone.

---

“Promise Yourself”

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

- Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

Thanks for joining me on this journey. Writing has become a blessing and I love love love doing this. Thank you for reading this with me.

xo, Sonya

PS: Have questions or comment? Please like this story or leave a comment on the website. Also, please forward it to a friend or two so that they can learn with us too!

The Timeline

Thoughts on dealing with uncertainty and embracing the now.

Summary:

• The most powerful moment in time is now.

• Perception is reality.

• Expectations are not reality.

• Control is driven by fear.

• Gratitude is driven by love.

---

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” - Eckhart Tolle

“I just want things to unfold faster,” she says. “I’m ready to move into the next phase of my life already.”

She is unsettled. I listened to her softly describe her dreams and ambitions over the phone as I gently stir a fresh pot of vegetable stew.

I bring my attention back to her voice. “I am soooo…. ready, but things just aren’t lining up for me yet.”

“Yet,” I add.

“Yet. Of course. I have been asking the Universe to hurry up. I’m practically begging. I’ve done the inner work, I’ve learned to stand up for myself and I am just ready.”

She continues to talk for a few minutes and finally runs out of breath. She is very persuasive and vibrant. I understand what she is talking about. I have been there myself; wanting for things to unfold faster.

Now.

Right now.

Hurry.

Big or small, we all want something in our life. It can be as simple as the gift of fresh air or the sound of laughter. It can be as complicated as a multi-million dollar business or the fastest car you’ve ever dreamed of.

We can all dream and aspire, can’t we?

---

“Hang on a sec. Hang on. Wait,” I interrupt.

I paused for a few moments and say…

“I know that you want to speed things up. I am on your side and I hope you know that. But, I can’t help but notice that you are getting upset over something you don’t have control over.

There is no control panel to speed up timelines. Nobody can press a button and automatically expedite time. I wish I could, love. It just doesn’t work that way.

I want you to realize that there is so much beauty in the present moment. Each moment that we have lasts just a moment. And then poof, it’s gone.

There is so much beauty in appreciating what we have right now. The future is in the future, do you know what I mean? We’re not there yet. It’s like saying you’re hungry when you’re still eating.

We all want something, but honey, I want you to recognize that the time you have right now is beautiful too. I mean, you’re on the phone with me! Isn’t that amazing?

Listen, have I ever shared with you my concept of ‘time traveling’. No silly, it’s not a time machine.

But rather, it’s something we do within our minds.

Time-traveling happens when we journey through memories in the past and dream about the possibilities in the future.

But, do you know what happens when we time travel?

We lose sense of what is important right now. We lose track of everything around us that is already available to us in this moment. When we time travel, we pay less attention to what we have and focus more on what we don’t have.

It means that we forget to appreciate what we have right in front of us. There is so much to experience, to love, to appreciate right here, right now. Don’t you think?

Yes, the future has so much to offer.

But, the truth is that the future is never guaranteed.

What is guaranteed is this precise moment right now. This moment is how we control and steer our lives toward an amazing and incredible future.

It is what we decide to do right now that we are able to navigate toward a healthier, more sustainable, and successful future.

How are you going to make it to the future if you are constantly chasing it?

Listen, I honor what you want, but I also want you to honor this precise moment. You have the gift of making a choice. This choice is very powerful.

In this moment, you can choose to be grateful. Or you can choose to be ungrateful. There is only one moment, do not forget.

In this moment, there is so much that the Universe has already offered to you. It has continued to offer you the gift of time.

Essence.

Being.

Awareness.

Consciousness.

Self-Love.

In this moment, you can make a conscious choice as to how you want to spend your time. Do you want to spend your time being unhappy? Or, will you make the decision to be fully aligned with your true self - now?

You can not control the future by projecting needs, wants, and desires onto it. You can only control the future by being mindful of what you have at this very moment.

This is the Power of Now.”

She ponders this quietly. I can hear the wheels turning in her beautiful mind.

---

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” - Eckhart Tolle

You wish to experience all that the heart desires. However, the one caveat to all of this is that you are dedicating your energy to being impatient. In being impatient, you are judging yourself for not having what you do not possess.

How is that productive? There is so much to explore in the space in between. There is so much to appreciate in the present moment.

When you have learned to be present in this moment that you are in right now, this very second, you can proactively choose to appreciate all the gifts that have been shared with you.

It might be simple like being grateful for the roof over your head. Having fast internet. Having food in the fridge. A bed to sleep in.

You must find gratitude and trust that everything that happens to you - happens for you. It might seem as though the world is working against you. The truth is that it is the exact opposite.

Your dreams and wishes have been heard by the Universe. It is doing exactly what you want, but the only way that it can present you with what you want is by removing what isn’t serving you in your life anymore.

How can you receive new gifts if you are constantly clutching at the heels of old behaviors, patterns, and things that don’t serve you?

The Universe is always working in your favor. The Universe does not know how to manipulate you. It is supporting you because you asked for it.

I invite you to join me in shifting our perception.

Perception is reality.

The Universe is working in your favor.

Gratitude is a state of the heart and the mind that allows you to experience joy. It can not be stressed how important it is to be in a state of gratitude, because that is how you will begin to appreciate the magical wonders around you.

Wherever you are in this moment, observe and feel through your senses. Look at the leaf, the tree, the phone in your hand, or the mug next to you. These are observations of moments in time. Offer them a quick smile. Say thank you.

When you invite gratitude into your life, the Universe will begin to acknowledge that you are both aligned. You have a deal. The Universe is ready to shake on it. Trust that in this moment, everything is going to work out the way the Universe wants it to work out.

It is very easy to want to control outcomes.

It is very easy to have expectations about how things will unfold.

Expectations are not reality.

Perception is reality. Perception happens in this very moment.

Watch the magic begin to unfold the very second you decide to let go of all expectations.

Just watch.

Anything is possible, as long as you focus on the present.

The only timeline you need to worry about right now… is now.

I dedicate this story to all my friends and fans out there who needed a reminder.

Xo, Sonya

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