Strength Is An Inside Job.
A story about confidence and remembering the power that lies within you.
Summary:
Good leaders will always empower you to do what’s best for yourself.
Compassion does not make you a pushover.
Compassion requires deep courage.
Reclaim your inner power by changing the dialog you have within yourself.
Your power belongs to you and only you.
Gentle reminder to all: Please put yourself back to the top of your own priority list.
“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” - Roy T. Bennett
“Sonya, what do you mean when you say ‘Let me know what you decide?’”, says Ashley. She blinks at me, waiting for an answer. I can sense that she is outwardly calm, but frazzled on the inside. I am caught off guard by the question.
We are talking about some issues she has been experiencing. Darkness looms over her like a thick marine layer; waiting to burn off. She has been having troubles at work. Her confidence has eroded, stripped down to its bare minimum. She can’t seem to think straight, causing the self-doubt to spiral out of control. She doesn’t know how to make a decision anymore.
There was a conflict. People around her have been telling her what to do; how to resolve a situation and how to do her job. People have criticized her. Nobody has taken the time to ask her what she wants to do; not even herself.
Ashley is a junior account executive. It is her job to oversee and manage projects, collaborate and communicate between clients and the company.
I have been working with Ashley to help her overcome some of the issues she has been experiencing. Conflict has turned into self-doubt, causing issues to ripple into other areas of her life. Ashley does not know what to do anymore. With so many (unsolicited) opinions, she is lost.
“Ashley, what I mean is that I hope that I have been able to give you the bigger picture of how things work. Some contextual understanding. Every scenario has a different nuance. You will have to tailor your actions and adjust your energy as best you can. Nobody can tell you what to do, not even I.
It’s unfortunate that people have been criticizing you and telling you how to do your job properly. I want you to remember that the company hired you because they saw a bright light within you. Remember that. You are bright!
Sometimes, we can sway off course and become easily distracted by things around us. Conflict can corrode our confidence. And when you lose your confidence, sometimes you don’t even know what is right or wrong anymore.
I can paint a picture for you and help you understand potential outcomes. I can explain to you how things might work, but nobody should tell you how to do your job. Nobody should be giving you step-by-step directions unless they can walk a mile in your shoes.
Even the greatest leader would never tell you what to do, they would encourage and empower you to step into your greatest potential.
These people who have been claiming to help through criticism, are they people you would look up to otherwise?” I ask.
“No, they’re… just… people,” she says.
I say, “Okay. Our work begins now. I am inviting you to take back your power. I am inviting you to make your own decision. That decision and power has always been yours. Nobody can take that away from you.
These so called ‘people’ who claimed to help you, also spoke down to you, criticized you, robbed you of your self-esteem. I am here to support and guide you. Ultimately, anything you decide to do is yours and yours only. Reclaiming this power is also your decision.
That is why I said to you, “Let me know what you decide to do”. I am hoping that you can use your own judgement and discernment to navigate this situation, however you find suitable. I am encouraging you to make your own decisions.
I can not sway you one way or another. I want to be clear that the power is yours and yours only. I want you to decide what is best for you. The decision is yours.”
I am saddened that Ashley feels so lost. I want to help her see that the light within herself has merely dimmed. It will come back.
Words carry intention.
Words carry weight.
Words carry power.
Words can affects others to the point that it can corrode self-confidence like it has with Ashley. I feel bad.
Words can also inspire and offer hope.
Ashley and I continue talking for a little bit. She asks me: Why do people do the things they do? Why are some people hurtful and vengeful? Why can’t everyone play nice? I explain that there are people who are unhappy with themselves; bored with life. The resistance to look within themselves causes them to point the finger outward, not realizing that they are creating their own reality and affecting others.
It is easier to wreak havoc on the lives of other people because there is no responsibility or consequence. The lack the self-awareness means that they do not understand that actions have consequences. They do not understand the power that holds them. Perhaps that power is driven by fear…
It’s not to say that these kinds of people are wrong or bad. There is a duality in life - polar opposites. Each opposite teaches us a lesson. Without polarity, we would never see the duality; the good and the bad.
The people who have hurt us are on their own rightful journey. They are doing the best with the resources that they have. Though their actions can seem hurtful, we must also find compassion toward them. What they can not see in their own life is a byproduct of their own upbringing, knowledge, environment and doing. We must offer empathy and compassion. Not just to them, but also to ourselves.
Having compassion does not mean that we offer them undeserving love and kindness, but instead a gentle awareness and understanding that their actions are a result of what they have learned and experienced in life. No physical action is required on your part. Just a gentle sense of empathy toward them and for ourselves.
We must also appreciate these types of people for playing a role in our life and teaching us what we need to heal from. If we are truly healed and balanced, these experiences would not bother us at all. We would remain unphased and grateful.
When you are in your power, nobody can rob you of anything that is inherently yours.
I can see Ashley thinking.
I deliberately let the silence sink in so that she is able to hear her own thoughts.
We are quiet for a few moments.
“Okay,” says Ashley. “I know what to do”
In that moment, I know without a doubt that Ashley is going to come out on top. I can see her energy begin to align. She is learning to trust herself again. The insecurity begins to fade away and her confidence runs clear. I can see that she will meet the strongest version of herself very soon.
Empathy and kindness is all she needs.
Empathy and kindness is a superpower.
The power is hers, and hers alone.
“Promise Yourself”
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”- Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them
Thanks for joining me on this journey. Writing has become a blessing and I love love love doing this. Thank you for reading this with me.
xo, Sonya
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Every word, thought and insight you share is so powerful! Thank you doctor! You are a healer.